Go a little deeper
This recording captures the opening evening of a marriage conference: an onstage interview and question session, not a formal sermon. Keith Kirkpatrick welcomes the room, notes the s'mores at the fire pits afterward, describes tomorrow's non-streamed men's and women's session where anonymous questions will be answered, and sends greetings to those watching online. Keith and Kara Kirkpatrick then interview Montell and Kristin Jordan about marriage and ministry, take a question about advice for newlyweds, and close with prayer.
Montell and Kristin Jordan reflect on their marriage story and the turn toward fighting for their relationship. They list hardships their family has faced and observe that church settings can make it easy to hide pain. They also discuss family patterns and their spiritual interpretation of those patterns.
Asked what advice they would give couples married under two years, Montell and Kristin Jordan urge pursuing an “eternal strategy” rather than an “exit strategy,” warning that naming the one thing that would end a marriage hands the enemy a playbook. Keith Kirkpatrick commends the earlier session's imagery of fighting posture, the rope as a picture of the Holy Spirit holding a couple together, and turning. The evening closes by reviewing seven priorities, from God first to self seventh, with a prompt to discuss them around the fire.
The conversation,
in their words.
Transcript from the recording’s captions. Select any timestamp to hear the original audio.
All right. All right. Go ahead and take your seats. We're We're going to just do a short interview session here where Pastor Kara and I are going to ask Montel and Kristen a few questions and then I want to make sure we set the stage for the next few days appropriate as well. So, go ahead and grab your seats. [laughter] All right, friends. Are you having a good time so far? Let's go. Has the Holy Spirit convicted you anywhere? Let's go, somebody. Uh, so good. If you haven't been convicted yet, don't worry. There's always tomorrow, too. So, there's more.
There's more. I want to make sure real quick before we go into a few questions and then we've got some uh fire pits going ready to go for you to get some s'mores. So, uh, we're going to end our evening with that, but we want to recognize that there are some that actually purchased a streaming version of this that couldn't be here in person. So, we send greetings to those that are streaming and watching right now. Uh, we also want to just acknowledge that tomorrow we are going to have a session where we split men and women. That session will not be streamed. We got to move out of the way so we get these QR codes. And the the QR code is going to be up here for just a moment. And here's what that session is going to entail. And there's a reason we're not going to stream it is we're going to get raw and real. And we want to be able to say some things in an environment that's safe with those who are in the room. So for those who are are streaming that small
session, we'll not be there. So if you hit that QR code, if you get out your phone real quick, Kara, I think we should move too. Actually, we got it on both sides. Both sides. So get out your phone real quick. If you hit this QR code, you can ask an anonymous question. Say it again. Anonymous about absolutely anything. If it's really hard, we're gonna have Montel answer it. [laughter] So, I'm just saying when a guest is in the house, we we love it. I'm going through all the hard stuff. But really, uh uh we're going to have Kristen and Kara, but we're also going to have Holly and Brandon are going to be there as well. So, we're we're just going to lay it all out. So, if you got questions, whether it's about sex or communication or money or all of those things that must be
going really well in everybody's marriages, uh you can just say, "How can we make that better?" Uh you you could ask any personal question. So, if you've got a question, please, this is the platform you want to ask it. We'll throw it up one more time tomorrow morning uh quickly so that you can see that. But that session will just be uh a time that we're going to answer your questions uh in in person, but we're not going to record it. So, uh, that way we can just get really raw and real in that place. Yeah. It'll be anonymity and it'll just ask you whether you're a boy or a girl so that we know which room to put that question in. Very good. And then it'll be anonymous and Okay. So, here's a good lead in there. Let's go. Um, I'm supposed to ask you guys a question. Yes. No, no, no. Just a just a thought of of past when we've done this. Um, in your description, don't try and uncover your spouse.
Wow. Okay. Um, because you can get your questions answered without exposing that. That's a good word. Thank you. All right. Before we get to any uh marriage stuff, when you have a song like this is how we do it. [laughter] Do you guys have dreams about this at night that you just can't get it out of your heads? [laughter] I mean, like regular dreams. [laughter] I have adult kids and I have teenagers. Mhm. I need that song to play forever and [laughter] ever and ever.
They're expensive. So, y'all go stream that when you get home. Okay. Cuz he gets a fraction of a penny for every stream. So, fraction. Come on. Just you you go stream that. I was just curious. You know, there's those things like whatever you do in life just gets stuck in your head, you know, and sometimes you want it out and you can't get it out. So, I I appreciate that you guys opened up the relentlessly real that going back in the early days that there was just such tremendous conflict that you were doing it all backwards and upside down. Uh, and you're here now telling us about marriage. Uh what was the wakeup call that started you on the journey of health or healing or or staying married because y'all didn't tap out and say we're going for the D.
Um okay. So all right let's go here. So here's the truth. Um when you are going down a pathway um that is dangerous, right? Um God has these um we'll call it pivot moments. And so for us, we got to a place where when we first started in the music business, um we were married before we ever got into the music business and people didn't know that. Um we were married and people would, you know, in the interviews um like he told you he would say that he's married to his music, but the crazy thing is is that I can remember on an MTV carpet one day um they were like, "Who is this?" And he goes, "Oh, this is my wife." I was like, [gasps] "What are you doing?
You exposed me." Um, but the crazy thing is is that, um, we tried to run from that. Um, but because we were having this unhealthy relationship that we didn't know that we were having, right? We didn't know all the things that we signed up for. Um but in year seven we had um an impass um where we basically all of our cards came crashing down. Yeah. I'll let you tell it. Well, I'm I'm definitely going to talk about it tomorrow. Yep. Okay. In depth. Um but basically there was u an infidelity on my part uh in our marriage. And I think that the journey that we have been on
that God would take our marriage a highprofile entertainment famed driven whatever whatever that he would use us. Some of you only know me from music. Some of you didn't know I was a pastor. Some of you have no idea. We do marriage stuff. Uh but we do marriage stuff. Come on. And we do marriage stuff because we've been through marriage stuff. And because um I didn't go to uh seminary to become a pastor. I went to seminary. Come on. Thing y'all. Preach it. Preach it. The music business was a cemetery because that's where I had to go to die
so that I could come alive to who I am now. So the turning point, if you will, most people know the this is how we do it guy. That's the calling card. That is just the entryway that opens doors. opens doors to different venues, different genres, different races, cultures, different hearts. It It's just an entry point for us to be able to show that God healed our marriage. Yes. People now, especially in the music business, they come to us thinking Montel and Kristen can help heal our marriage.
Montel and Kristen cannot help heal your marriage, right? Montel and Kristen can lead you to the place lead you to the one. Let's go. Who can help heal your marriage? [applause] So that I think was the the turning point and we'll we'll tomorrow you'll unpack some more. We'll unpack some more of that. But there's, you know, it's interesting in God's um sovereignty or funny haha, not funny haha. Um there's not too many things that we haven't experienced. And anything we happen to miss, our kids picked up. So the only thing that we cannot really speak to, man, I tell you, but the only thing that we really can't speak to is empty nesting. I mean, [laughter] our kids our kids range from 38 to 13. Dear
Jesus, yeah. And then five grand. So, like there's no hope or future here. You're getting there. [laughter] If I could just throw this out there real quick, when when you say that there's not too much we haven't experienced. Yeah. Um, we have experienced bankruptcy. Yeah. We've lost a child. Yeah. We've had a house fire. We lost everything. Everything. We battled cancer twice. Facts. Like we've lost a parent. Like Yeah. Chances are some of you are navigating something right now. I mean, yeah. I don't I don't want to I want us to have a good time tonight. Tonight is supposed to be like a let's go and have some s'mores and have a great time.
Okay. And we're going to do that. But here here's I think this helps set expectation. Um, it's it's easy to come to church and put on a front. Facts. Okay. It's it's easy to make it look like we're good. We're blessed and highly favored. We are, you know, and and and we understand that, but if behind the scenes you are hemorrhaging in your marriage, Yeah. Don't allow this entire weekend to go by and not address come on that somebody's here to help you not bleed out in your marriage. Come on. Because if on the outside everything looks okay because you are giving that it's okay
but internally you are bleeding ultimately you not only bleed on each other. Yeah. But you bleed on your children and everyone you know, your church, your family, your friends. Ultimately, everybody catches it. And so what we want to make sure we're doing is we're giving you transparency. We're giving you vulnerability. We're here to talk about it. We we are we are about it here with y'all because and when we say that there's nothing off limits like this is why we wanted to have that session because what I realiz is that in a room like this you have questions invariably that you don't really have anybody you can ask right um but we can speak wisdom and from a place
of experience um when people succeed at things they call that success and when they fail at things they call that experience and Montel and I have a lot of experience. Come on. Come [laughter] on. And and the truth is is that God was able. This is literally the Bible coming to life. He used the foolish things that can find the wise. That's true. And so the most unlikely candidate, that's who he picks, right? So like remember like David's brothers are like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, right? and they look fabulous and they look so kingly and the whole deal. And he and he's like, "Yeah, none of these." That's true. [laughter] That's how in my mind it looks like for real. And then David like this little like Yeah. Got the whole thing.
Guy comes out of the back like, "Hey, good hair. [laughter] Oh yeah, that's the king. That's me." [laughter] Montelli David didn't look anything like you. Scrawny. I'm more Goliath. [laughter] You playing David over here. But it's the truth. I I really appreciate even the imagery that you guys gave today in such a light-hearted way. And you know, tomorrow one of the breakouts that you'll be leading yourself is is fighting fair. And that imagery that that posture of uh you know, boxing with one another even you know all of us fight differently. Yeah. Uh but even if even if you choose to fight silently, you're still your posture is in a you know a boxing state, that's that's fighting.
Yes. When you when you stonewall your spouse and you're not going to talk to them, it's fighting. You're just fighting in a different way. But the truth is is it's just as detrimental. And that imagery then of the rope as the Holy Spirit like I'm sorry, you're not going anywhere. It's it's a beautiful picture. And I just want to, you know, as we prepare to transition to uh s'mores in just a moment, I just got to say like for Kara and I just as real as this is, I mean, this has been like a hard week and we got in a blowup battle. What day was that? Tuesday. Tuesday. Uh I was just sensitively listening to her and um Ah, is that how it was going? Yeah. No, notice I didn't give her a mic for this interview. I do have a question.
Okay. Uh but I my point is I I want to just make sure uh you all know that this is real in all of our lives. Yeah. That the moment we actually think that we don't and clearly you signed up for a marriage conference. So thank you for coming uh and being a part of this. Like we want this to be replicated. We every marriage needs this. But at the end of the day it's the imagery that I just wanted to point out that if we understand that no matter what Yes. no matter how bad it gets, uh you're you're going with me. Like we're doing this together and I think the next day or so we're going to learn the posture of turning. So what's your question? So um I love how practical that that first session was. Thank you for that. Um I know there's a handful of of um couples in this room that are just very newly married. They're married within the in the last year. Um one of them
happens to be our daughter who's in the room. Raise your hands if you've been married for under two years. Under two years. Raise your hands. Woohoo. Okay. Oh, I like this. Yeah. Um, so I guess I just want to ask what piece of advice, what nugget could you give them as they're at the beginning of their journey, um, that they can just hold on to right now? Love it. Um, for the couples that are early on, you want to focus now on having an eternal strategy over having an exit strategy. It works. Most people go into marriage thinking, "Wow, if this doesn't work out, then I'll do this." Yeah.
I can deal with almost everything except this. If this happens, that'll be the thing. The thing. And you're giving the enemy. This is the playbook. complete strategy that you've said this is the thing okay that's the thing easy say less let me let me give you the thing right and let me tell you that's exactly what happened with us oh devil like I I want you to like check the imagery so remember we talked about my family um being it so this is the irony of this and I want you to see how cunning the enemy is but I also want you to see how uninovative and uncreative He
is okay. So my parents were married the same amount of years. I was the same years old and it was over the same issue. Okay. There is no chance in heaven that you are can't tell me that that's not a scheme. If it worked once I'm going to do it again. He's not creative in any way. That's right. So if that be the case, he's going to use the same strategy, the same plan, and the same thing. So, my playbook for the enemy was, "Well, we're good, but you can't cheat on me or I'm out." Easy. Excellent. I appreciate your help. That's what the enemy said. Come on. And he his issue was that he didn't want to be abandoned. You can't leave me. And what was the one thing I did when he cheated on me?
Come on. I left. This is too easy. Y'all don't give him the playbook. Yeah. And so what happens is is that that there is no out. I don't have an exit strategy. This is my forever ever ever. Amen. That's some great counsel. Not just for the newly marrieds, but for everybody. That was good. [applause] And and Kristen, what you said is actually genius. If you would just listen in the spirit, your problems in your marriage are probably the same problems that keep coming up. Yeah. Whatever that is. Well, and the thing is is that this is why it's important that we know our history. And I think this is this is key is that that if you don't know what happened in your parents' marriage or your grandparents' marriage because a lot of the things that we are experiencing in a spiritual way are
spiritual curses or things that have already been played. And so this is the playbook that the enemy's already read. So, he's going to run the same play over and over again because this is a strategy. Yeah. And it works. Just I mean, we look back when we were when we were determining we're going to stay in this marriage and we're willing to fight for it and do everything that it took. We went back and did kind of like this lineage check. It was a genealogy. outside of her grandparents who were married for 60 years and I have an uncle and an aunt who have been married now for for 40 years. We have had divorce every other marriage in my family. Wow. No healthy relationships. Not one. and my parents, my their parents, their like literally I can look through our entire
I can look through our our entire family and only two couples in our entire family have not had a divorce. So naturally the enemy just repeat rinse repeat rinse repeat rinse and repeat. It's something that works you know and and you guys decided to break the curse. Come on. And that blessing is not just for your kids and your grandkids and a thousand generations, but that blessing now is actually blessing others. And so, thank you for coming all the way to Oregon and and uh blessing us out here. And uh y'all, they saw a deer get hit by a semi-truck today. He tried he tried to commit suicide. He jumped out in front of they got exposed to real central Oregon. Uh so we're grateful you're here and uh I
think tomorrow is going to just be a real treat and may I just encourage you. I don't know what the next uh 12 hours is going to be in your home, but I do know this uh be aware in the spirit. Uh the person you just came with, you made a covenant relationship with and that's really important that you understand it's not just between them. You invited God in this and now it's time to reinvigorate that. Uh, so if it's all right, I'm going to just give us just a couple of um rules to head out to get some s'mores if you would like to just have a sweet treat before you leave. And uh those of you who have kiddos, um we're asking that you get them by 9:00, so we're a little limited on time. Um so I'm just going to uh say this. If you need the restrooms, don't forget it's in the parking lot. There's also the ones in the lobby, but if there's a line, you can go do that.
right outside these doors right here to uh my right to your left is uh a wonderful um area. I'll tell you there's been a lot of work that's been put into this weekend for you. In fact, I would just want to just pause for just a quick moment. There's like dozens of volunteers that are making this happen. We don't call them volunteers. We call them superheroes. But when you see uh people like Zach here with a camera and the others with cameras and production and hospitality and our greeters and the check-in and all those who are helping, they they decided to sacrifice their time to be a superhero to invest in your marriage. That's what kind of a church we have. So, uh I just want to thank you guys so much. So, right outside these doors, the fire's already going. Um, we've got chocolate and what is make the s'mores? Marshmallows and graham crackers. Uh, dude, you know what a s'more is?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I still have the gummy bears on my mind. Like, throw some gummy bears in there. They're organic. Uh, so, uh, there's good stuff. So, here's what I'm going to ask you to do. You heard the seven priorities. Let's just go over them again real quick. All right. You got First priority is God. Second priority is our spouse. Third priority is our children. Fourth priority is this church. Our fifth priority is our family and friends. Sixth priority is our career, our job. And our seventh priority is me. So So I'm going to ask you this around the fire. You can talk to your spouse or other couples. Meet somebody new for the first time. Say hello to them and just ask them which number you struggling with. Just start there. We're a none of us got all seven perfect.
I know some of you your kids have moved out of the house and you do have grandkids. Like where where is it right now? Some of you are retiring. What does that look like now? So just around the fire pit. It's easy question. Hey, what's your name? What's your number you're struggling with? You know, oh it's number five or man it's it's number seven or right now I mean for a lot of us if we're just get get real vulnerable and by the way it's okay. Let's just get real. is number one or hey the reason I'm here number two but it's not going to be long you know we're going to work on this we're we're going to make this the right priority and I'm then I'm going to go to the next number and figure out what next I need to work on so uh so that's what that's going to look like we're going to do s'mores right now please pick up your
kids at 9ine uh if you want to linger longer you can do that uh we just want you to enjoy your time here tomorrow starts 9 sharp so if you'd come a earlier than 9. Uh we'll have something for you here. We'll have breakfast. We'll have breakfast. Wow. We're going to have breakfast. So, uh show up for breakfast. 8:30 for breakfast. Uh we'll start sharp at 9:00. We'll have coffee and breakfast at 9:00. Uh it's going to be a really powerful day. If we could throw that QR code back up there. Car, I'm going to ask that you pray us out of this and then uh you can go ahead and get your s'mores. God, uh we just thank you. I just thank you for this night. I thank you for the Jordans. um and God, just their testimony. Uh that I know that you work all things together for good. So, thank you, God, for what you've done through their marriage, God. Um would you just just anoint them and bless them um for
the rest of the weekend, God? I pray for the marriages that are here. Would you just strengthen them, God? Just just strengthen the marriages that are here, God. Um just uh uh just pull them together, God, like they've never been together before. So, thank you, Jesus. We love you. We praise you. We give you all the glory. Your name we pray. Amen. Amen. They miss.
